I saw this meme on Facebook and it struck me. I have been through so much. Ever since I was a child, I only wanted to be me. However, I was stuck in a body that didn’t conform. I still get depressed over the fact that I never experienced being maiden or even mother, but I will damn sure enjoy my life as a crone. For those who do not understand that reference, in pagan custom, there are three stages to a woman’s life. Maiden, the young woman full of life and promise. This gives way to the mother, the next phase in life where the nurturing element of womanhood comes forth. Children are raised and cared for until they can go out on their own. They then traverse to being a crone. While many see crone as a ornery old biddy, the truer meaning is a wise, old, woman. Someone that people turn to.
I have lived a life that has been trying mentally and sometimes physically. Yet, through all of this, while I could not be me, I was true to self. I always tried to help people. I always tried to be a light in darkness. I embraced the name that my Cherokee friends gave me, White Wolf. In their mythology, the wolf is a pathfinder and teacher. I have always strove to learn and give back. Sometimes those teaching are well received, sometimes not. I continue to do so in hopes that I might inspire in someone else their inner being to be fulfilled.
Yet, while I strive to be the scholar and teacher, all that I have been through has awakened the warrior in me. I will not be pushed back this time. I will rise to be Boudica. As days pass and I grow more comfortable in my own skin, I grow stronger. I find that the warrior in me arising. I am tired of giving in to others wishes and putting their feelings ahead of mine. I have a right to live. I have a right to exist. I grow strong and will fight to help others along the way.
Know that I am Emma. The name I chose was from Emma Peel of the Avengers. Somehow, her image stuck with me. The show was kind of campy, but the image of this strong woman kicking butt stuck with me. I admired her and loved the name. As it turned out, it was my great grandmothers name too. Fancy that.
I plan on getting stronger. I plan on returning to my spiritual path. I plan on embracing the warrior spirit of the Celtic warrior Boudica. I plan on embracing my name. I am Emma Morgaine Croft. I will lay down with the lambs, but I will fight with the lions.
I choose to continue to fight because of the over 40% suicide rate of people like me. People who are put down simply for wanting to be. If we aren’t killing ourselves, we are being killed by others. It is time to let all people just be! I have stated time after time, it should not matter who you love, only that you love.
I am so tired of hearing so-called Christians attacking people in the LGBT community. They cite passages from the Old Testament totally ignoring Jesus’ admonition to love each other. They aren’t Christians! I won’t get into this now, but it tears me up to hear these so-called Christians spewing so much hate. That is so unlike Christ.
I hope that I don’t tick off or alienate anyone with anything I say or do, but I feel that I can no longer sit on the sideline, I am Boudica, I am Emma, I am me.