One of the things we hear a lot about is how we sound. So many go crazy trying to learn how to sound more feminine. My endo told me, at our last visit, that maybe I should see a voice coach. Of course, this was because my voice was like gravel after having been on call and gotten about four hours sleep in the past two days.

One thing that I try to point out when people say this, is that even cis-gender women can have deep or gravelly voices. There have been so many famous women who have had deep voices, but yet were well received and famous. Who can forget the great Golden Girl, Bea Arthur?

No one would ever question her femininity? She was well respected. So why should we have to present a false self and change how we sound just to make others feel better? I remember another great actress, Susan St. James who played in McMillan and Wife.

I loved that show. I admired her beauty and loved her “husky” voice. It is a voice that I see in a more modern actress, Angie Harmon.
Now this woman is drop dead gorgeous. Yet, she has that deep husky voice. Would anyone ever question her as a woman? Let me give yet one more example, Kathleen Turner.
Many will remember her from the Romancing the Stone series. She had that husky voice and everyone loved her.

The point is that woman have many voice styles. Some are very feminine and sugar sweet. You can surely have that southern belle drawl, How Nice. Yet you also have the Angie Harmon, Bea Arthur, Kathleen Turner and Angie Harmon voices. There are a wide spectrum of voices and I think that too much emphasis is placed on how people sound. How about putting more emphasis in what they say.

Someone could have a gravelly sound due to being overtired. It could be due to whiskey and cigarettes. It could be simply because that is the way they were born. Do you think Angie Harmon is taking voice lessons to sound more feminine?

I think the point is, just be you. Maybe use that voice to your advantage. Ever think of singing Jazz? Maybe you could be the next Diana Krall. We need to stop letting others dictate to us who we are. We need to embrace ourselves and who we are and go with it. If you don’t care for your voice and want to get voice coaching, then do so. If you are only doing it because someone else says you should, then don’t. We were all created to bring a unique perspective to this world. I like my voice. It may not always sound feminine, especially over the phone, but it is mine. I own it! I am always tired, so my voice does take on a deeper more gravelly sound. It is my sound. I also have a great vocal range. That is the plus from singing most of my life. I may never be a soprano, but I can take it from baritone on up. I have a pretty good falsetto too thanks to the Bee Gees.

We need to feel comfortable with who we are. How we sound, well that is for others to deal with. Maybe one day we might not have to worry about things like this. All I can say is, just be you. If people love you, they will gravitate to you. If not, well then, it might just be well they were out of your lives. You don’t need people dictating who you are. So if you have that deeper, gravelly voice like mine, try singing some Diana Krall and see if that feel of a smoky jazz bar appeals to you.

My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.

Emma