Still playing the waiting game. It is frustrating that it takes so long. The frustration compounds when you get a note from the hospital saying they want to move you up a month earlier. Of course, the boss was aware that I would be out a month from the previous messages. I asked if it was okay to move a month earlier. I had to wait for a response since he was out. I was almost giddy knowing that I had one month less to wait. Then psych!! boss says no, we are understaffed and someone else has the time off. So I had to have them keep my old date.

Not sure if it was just this or the compounding of negative events with the passing of our old girl, Brandy. I know it still affects me. Just thinking of her makes me want to cry.

I love this pic of her as she loved the snow. She would lay out in the storms and come in totally caked and shake all over. We would be scrambling for the towels. She will always be in my heart. She lived with us since she was a pup for eleven years. It was hard watching as the cancer got to her. It was a hard decision but we buried her with our other sweetheart we lost, Hermione.

I had bottle fed Hermione due to a defect in her snout. We had to put her to rest when the doctors at Cummings told us that she was also missing part of her heart.

So it has been a tough couple of months. Our other pup, Harley, just does not have the life in him after losing Brandy. They were tight as thieves. Now Harley mostly just lays about.  We thought about getting a new puppy, but money is tight and Doodles aren’t cheap. Worse, they are now adding levels of training when you buy them.

Sorry about rambling. I was just feeling a little lost. It hurt when my boss said I couldn’t accept the new date and had to stick with the old. I put in a lot of hours and it just hurt. Worse is that I am on call all this week so have those night calls too. I woke up the other night at 2:30a and just could not get back to sleep. Of course, last night, paged at 4:30a. So dragging a bit and emotional. I have to work Saturday night also and that might take a while. So being denied the change has an extra sting.

Kind of a bummer this writing. Oh, the woman at the top? That is Soul of the Rose by Waterhouse. It was a painting I had seen and fell in love with. I felt it captured the person I felt I was inside. Cindy even had a shower curtain made of it for me. Had a chuckle, I was listening to music as I wrote this and K.D. Lang and Roy Orbison were singing a duet of Crying. Timing.

I guess at this time, I am just floundering. I am hoping the holidays will pick up my spirit. My daughter did say she is coming Saturday to spend the day with me and help with the store while Cindy is away. She also says she has some clothes for me. Hmm, Tony Bennet and K.D. Lang singing What a Wonderful World. Maybe there is hope.

Ohhhh yeah!

My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.

Emma Morgaine Croft