I haven’t been posting much as I am in a waiting pattern for my surgery, as of today, 12 April 2019, I have 52 days. Some say it will fly by. I am having a little trepidation about the surgery due to losing a friend recently. Keira went in for her GCS surgery and never came out. My heart goes out to Sarah. Yet, despite the fears, I move forward.
I have noted the acceptance I have encountered along the way. So many people have supported me, most especially, my wife, Cindy. I really have been blessed in that way.
One thing I have noted though, that while I have been mostly accepted, I have been excepted from a few things. Recently, my daughter got married. I was happy for her, but I did feel a bit of a sting when I found that her mother had been invited to her bridal shower, but I was not. Given that this is usually put on by their friends, I couldn’t fault my daughter. My other daughter came home and was regaling us with all the fun they had at the winery. I would have loved going to a winery! I snapped at her and told her I didn’t want to hear about it. Of course, I was in the wrong for saying anything. It did sting a bit. Sometimes I think, I am just not supposed to have feelings.
I think what made this worse, was that my Godson is getting married soon. Cindy was invited to the bridal shower, but not me. That came before my daughter’s party, so it was sitting in the back of my mind. So when I was excepted for the second time, it really stung. Once again, I can’t fault my nephew or his fiance as that is put together by others. So I will once again, put my feelings aside to ensure that it doesn’t impair their day.
I wouldn’t really say anything, but I am chronicling my journey. I am also trying to educate. It is my hope that someone reading this becomes aware of the slight you do to transwomen when you exclude them. I can see me not being invited to the Bachelor party but to not invite to the Bridal shower is a double slight. It is my hope that one day people can just be who they are and accepted fully. I have already put these events behind me, despite my nephew’s fiance’s shower coming up at the end of the month. I have to bury my feelings and accept that not all people are accepting. In the meantime, I will continue to try to educate and inform so as to make the lives of those who come after me just a little bit easier.
As always, my heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit!
“Lady” Emma Morgaine Croft