Sometimes you just have to plant seeds and see what comes up. I haven’t written in a bit. Part of that is due to smashing my finger tossing a bale of hay in the feeder. My finger got caught in the string and slammed against the metal frame, snapping the end off my fingernail and putting a long crack down the nail diagonally. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore but sure makes typing hard with one finger all wrapped up.

Situation has not changed much. Originally, I was looking to moving to Plymouth, but that fell through as I couldn’t get a loan. They say that loans on places like mobile home parks are chattel loans and not too many carry them. I also need a separation agreement before they would process it. They also said no thirty year just a twenty, so higher mortgage payment on top of the $550 HOA fee. So looks like I will change directions and move back to Fall River. It has been a long time since I lived there. I was born there at St. Annes Hospital. I lived my first few years in Fall River before moving to Tiverton in Rhode Island. I am hoping that I will be able to find a good chow mein sandwich like I used to get. A lot has changed in Fall River, so we will see.

I did go down to what used to be the Harbour Mall to check out their Market Basket. I even had lunch at the 110 Grill. I kind of like Market Basket. The one in Fall River is almost exactly the same as the one in Plymouth I was going to. I am trying to set up an appointment to go look at an apartment. At this time, we are still looking towards the end of the year, but still no separation agreement.

I reached out to Fall River Pride to introduce myself and if I do move back, maybe get involved with them. It seems like they are just starting up, though, I would think there is a large LGBT community there, just no cohesion as yet. Moving back to Fall River would put me closer to my family and especially, my mother.

So I am planting seeds.  I hope some new friendships grow from them. In the meantime, I will keep plugging along. It is the only thing I can do. I still dance with the darkness, but I have too much invested in me to take my life. I just have to keep sloshing through the muck and mire until I can find my way through and maybe someday laugh again.

My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.

Emma