Not A Life Choice – Isolation


I thought I had found my soulmate. I thought we would be together for life. We started an alpaca farm together. In the end, she decided that now that I was finally me, it was time to move on. I get it, I don’t like it, but I get it.  So New Year’s Eve, we packed up all my stuff and moved it to my new apartment. I set about adapting to my new/old place. I say new/old because I have lived in the city off and on over the years. I pretty much know my way around. Some things have changed but most of the streets are still the same. I quickly learned where everything was. I found my pizza place, I found my Chinese place, I was starting to get out. I joined some local groups and was going there at night. Then the shutdown hit.

I think that is when the isolation really hit me. I went from having 27 alpacas, three dogs, and a family to just me. The lack of communication also added to the isolation. The shutdown caused the cancellation of many get-togethers. The only interaction I had was when I went to the market or I would see the neighbor out with her dog. Of course, we had to keep our distance, but it was something.

Eventually, my groups started to do online meetings. It wasn’t the same as in person, but we were able to see each other and joke together. We had a few laughs together and that helped to alleviate things. One of my friends even started to do jewelry shows online. We were meeting every Thursday night to play games and buy bling. I had one friend start connecting using Skype. I was able to connect to people, though we could not touch or hug. It was something. The isolation was getting to me despite the connections. I did manage to get in a few walks, but the weather was not cooperating there. We got into a patch of cold, wet, rainy days. I did manage to get a good day and did a nice long walk that netted over 7000 steps for just that walk. Hoping to get a few more like that.

I often have to fight the darkness that wants to envelope me. It is then when I turn to the images of strong women and call upon my wolf spirit to help me through.


The Governor announced that the stay in place order was to be extended until May 18th. That was not good news, but understandable. The death rate was still going up. I read where the death rate in the US had surpassed the number killed in the Vietnam War! So we do need to do everything we can to flatten the curve.

I may be alone and isolated, but am I really? One thing I found is that when I post on Facebook when I am at a weak point, I get so much love and support in response. I have a lot of people rooting for me. They remind me that my past is behind me and that my best days are yet to come. So I continue to muddle through. I continue to wade through the muck and mire of life. I continue to keep swimming like Dory. I continue to embrace the warrior spirit of Boudica so that I can survive and thrive. We will get through all of this.


We will rise like the phoenix ever higher.

My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.


About Emma Morgaine Croft

I have been called many things on my journey, Professor, White Wolf, Rainbow Warrior and Spirit Walker. I had a blog on for a number of years. I think the last post was when Papa passed back in 2012. I had also written for World Wide Hippies online mag for a year or so and even won a Golden Note for online writing. I got burned out writing and decided to stop for a bit. The only writing I did was comments on things I shared on Facebook. Unfortunately, that often got into a lot of angry and ugly talk. I try to maintain my cool, but there are just some unreasonable people out there. I found it emotionally and spiritually draining. I saw my niece's blog on here and thought that maybe it was time to resurrect Thoughts On A Cloudy Day. These are my thoughts and meanderings. You can accept them or walk away. I hope that in some way, these thoughts can spark other thoughts and sharing by people around the world. My dream is to make the world a better place for all people. My heart to your heart, one hear, one spirit.
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1 Response to Not A Life Choice – Isolation

  1. Go says:

    Well Emma, I knew you as your ‘old’ self and have come to know you now as your ‘true’ self. I know you get lonely moments and I know the New Year didn’t start wonderfully for you, but I know too, that when this Covid-19 thing is over, you will prosper. In the meantime, if ever I can lend a listening ear, you can count on me. I will be there! xx


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