The Darkness Within

I wrote my doctor to tell her that I had no will to live and just had no desire to continue life. That set in motion a lot of things. I was told that if I was that despondent to go to the ER. In the meantime, she noted that I should not be without a counselor and set me up with a referral for a new counselor. Everything started moving fast and I soon was meeting with my new counselor every week. Initially, we went through my history and she had a slew of questions to cover. She started to question me to see if I was bipolar but I knew that right away as one of my wives had been bipolar.

We covered a lot of ground the first two meetings. She was much better than my previous counselor who asked me on my second visit what I was coming to see her for. She asked many probing questions. I appreciated her thoroughness. I also had more appreciation for my doctor as she took action when she got my message.

What I learned from this are a couple of things. First, never try to go it alone. You may think you are strong, but sometimes the darkness can be too much. Second, it isn’t weak to ask for help. I should have long before I let it get too far gone.

I let it go too far and have to deal with the ramifications of it. I came close to ending it. I am fortunate not to have. My daughter and her friend found my a new best buddy.

May be an image of dog and indoor

Meet Ginger, she is an Australian Cattle Dog. We have really connected. She helps me to stay out of my head and out of darkness. She wakes me up in the morning with kisses and jumps up to give me a hug. Had I given up, I never would have met her.

We must always remember there is help out there. Reach out to your doctor, reach out to your friends. Never try to go it alone. If need be, reach out to the Suicide Prevention lines.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: Available 24 hours.

Languages: English, Spanish. Learn more


Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotlines

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call one of the 24-hour crisis hotline numbers below right away:

You are never alone. Reach out for help.

As always, from my heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit!

About Emma Morgaine Croft

I have been called many things on my journey, Professor, White Wolf, Rainbow Warrior and Spirit Walker. I had a blog on for a number of years. I think the last post was when Papa passed back in 2012. I had also written for World Wide Hippies online mag for a year or so and even won a Golden Note for online writing. I got burned out writing and decided to stop for a bit. The only writing I did was comments on things I shared on Facebook. Unfortunately, that often got into a lot of angry and ugly talk. I try to maintain my cool, but there are just some unreasonable people out there. I found it emotionally and spiritually draining. I saw my niece's blog on here and thought that maybe it was time to resurrect Thoughts On A Cloudy Day. These are my thoughts and meanderings. You can accept them or walk away. I hope that in some way, these thoughts can spark other thoughts and sharing by people around the world. My dream is to make the world a better place for all people. My heart to your heart, one hear, one spirit.
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