Spiraling down

My life just seems to get worse. My one saving grace is my love for Pauline. Granted there is a lot of issues with our relationship with Pauline. It can be difficult at times due to her being deaf, but we keep working for me to learn sign to communicate. I was just informed that a job I was assigned to do through Robert Half has ended, I was just beginning training, I have had a lack of sleep due to working at night. Well now that they released me, no more nights, no more work, no more life,

I have struggled a lot. I have thought many times about ending my life. Pauline keeps me going, It is so hard to just plod along. I love Pauline and want us to succeed, Unfortunately, everything always seems stacked against us, I just want her to be happy. I want to help her.

Probably the worst is all the feelings of loss, Losing this latest job made things worse, I am spiraling down. I seek death. Life sucks and then you die, I have really come to believe that.. Working at CSQuared was difficult with the lack of training. I was hoping for a good income so I could move us forward, I am to the pint of giving up, but I can never, Day by day, One foot in front of the other. I just have to plod forward, My life sucks and I yearn to die,

I unfortunately am cursed to live to 93. That is why I push forward. Never give up.

My life to your life one heart, one spirit,


About Emma Morgaine Croft

I have been called many things on my journey, Professor, White Wolf, Rainbow Warrior and Spirit Walker. I had a blog on blogger.com for a number of years. I think the last post was when Papa passed back in 2012. I had also written for World Wide Hippies online mag for a year or so and even won a Golden Note for online writing. I got burned out writing and decided to stop for a bit. The only writing I did was comments on things I shared on Facebook. Unfortunately, that often got into a lot of angry and ugly talk. I try to maintain my cool, but there are just some unreasonable people out there. I found it emotionally and spiritually draining. I saw my niece's blog on here and thought that maybe it was time to resurrect Thoughts On A Cloudy Day. These are my thoughts and meanderings. You can accept them or walk away. I hope that in some way, these thoughts can spark other thoughts and sharing by people around the world. My dream is to make the world a better place for all people. My heart to your heart, one hear, one spirit.
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2 Responses to Spiraling down

  1. Maha says:

    Hi Emma – this is Suman. Susan had shared your post on FB and I didn’t see you there so stopping by to say hello and rooting for you. Sorry that you are going through a rought patch. This will pass too. Please take care.


  2. Charlotte says:

    Hi. Emma. Alway hear to lend an ear. Thing will get better the is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keeping you in my prays. Stay strong you have done a lot more than others can do.


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