I haven’t posted to this series in a bit. I have been dealing with the isolation due to Covid but I felt I needed to come back to this.
One of the things that gets to a lot of transgender folk is that they feel they don’t measure up. I have spoken of this in the past. I wrote one of my blog series addressing this. I called it Just Own It. I later created a workshop at First Event based on that blog. I spoke about how we continue to compare ourselves to others. We are constantly trying to measure up. This is a detriment to our becoming ourselves. I have seen many in the community who belittle themselves because they feel they don’t measure up.
We really need to look into ourselves and become who we were meant to be. One of the things I used to tell them was to venture into Walmart or Target and take note of all the varieties of women. Big women, short women, women kind of plump. Some dressed to the nines and some in sweats. Why are cisgender women allowed so much variety but transgender women have such a narrower space to conform to. The thing is, it is they who hold themselves to that strict window. It isn’t others, it is them. I continue to press that they need to own who they are.
Life is too short. We need to embrace who we are. We need to celebrate who we are. Stop comparing yourself to unattainable images. The advertising community has done a disservice to ciswomen for so long. They show these models in size 0 dresses. Be you. Be happy. Stop buying into the false ideal. What is truly ideal is someone with a good heart and able to show love and caring. That is true beauty. Forget about comparing yourself but choose to be you, the best you that you can be. You are special. You are unique. You are loved.
My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.
Lady Emma Croft
You make a great point about the variety of cis women in the world. When I started my transition in mid-2017 I was so scared and self-conscious. I tried to apply all sorts of makeup and wore ultra-nice clothing when out and about, even to the grocery store. I well recall having to make a trip to Lowe’s and the pains I took to make myself presentable.
Over time and experience I found that if my goal was to “pass” (I’m not a fan of that word) I was better served by wearing little/no makeup and dressing in quite casual yet-feminine clothing. Sure, I was helped by the vocal coaching, facial hair electrolysis, and my natural scalp hair, but mostly, I believe, I just blended.
I’m glad to say that these days I hardly think about my presentation. I am who I am. Am I a woman? I guess so. It says so on my drivers license and other documents. I will always be a trans woman. Nothing I can do will change that and there’s no more point in chasing the diminishing returns of trying to become a cis woman.
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